


In the end - or -  when all is said and done...

by Paradigmenwechsel



Category: Supernatural
Genre: M/M, Multi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-11
Updated: 2019-12-11
Packaged: 2021-02-18 12:23:37
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,053
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21760852
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Paradigmenwechsel/pseuds/Paradigmenwechsel
Summary: Dean is still trying to process his whole world breaking apart...At and After Se15 Ep07
Relationships: Castiel & Dean Winchester & Sam Winchester, Castiel/Dean Winchester/Sam Winchester, Dean Winchester & Sam Winchester, Dean Winchester/Sam Winchester
Kudos: 7





	In the end - or -  when all is said and done...

**Author's Note:**

> Still Coping with possibilities. ^^!
> 
> nope Beta nope native.  
> Hope you find distraction.  
> *wave*
> 
> After Se15 Ep07

In/At the end SPN FF

He should give up.  
He has too.  
There is no meaning in it…  
There is no way they could win this…  
It is all…  
He had been betrayed, the Rules had been changed over and over and over….  
And Dean is tired, his skillset, his abilities his purpose never meant for that….  
He had adjusted as best as he could, but Dean is tired and History is just repeating itself.

His mom had denied him, and left once again, his Brother, although not in danger to turn into the darkness right now, is about to built himself a life, one in this world, in this reality.  
And Dean should be happy, he should.  
He should praise them and smile and laugh and joke, and he does…, when they are looking.

But in his room, all by himself…  
Dean is broken, angry at all, each and everything, the world, god, Cass, his Brother and everyone in between.

That was not what he had been set up for, not what he had agreed on doing, not chosen though, he had not attempt to fight and fight and fight again and again, only to lose it all, every time he tried…, every time he hoped.

Dean is tired…, and he is all alone again…

# ***

They share the kitchen again, they laugh and Dean should be happy, thankful, but he isn’t.  
They talk sometimes with words, sometimes in silence and he is not part of it.  
He is not the one Sam is focused on, not anymore.

“Hey!” Dean greets entering the kitchen with a fake smile, to at least get himself a coffee to go, before he would ‘run’ out again, leaving the homely scene that is hurtful to watch and all Sam would deserve.

“You say no to bacon?!” Sam wonders but smiles and Dean waves him off, telling something about urgent he would have to do out there somewhere, not really paying attention himself.  
Automatically he throws out some lewd jokes and tries to enjoy how his Brothers face slightly changes into still acceptable annoyance.  
Before he states a bit to loudly that he would have to go.

\----------

The Engine sound is soothing, the road ahead free and Dean hits the gas for no reason at all, no direction to go, nothing he wants to take care off.

He is so damn tired of it all.  
And it all seems to slip his fingers.

The Hunter tries to look disinterested, calm and well, and years and years of lying, he is pretty damn good at it.  
Almost believing it himself as he turns on the music to distract himself from something, anything.

He had pushed away what he feared to loose, unable to again be the one to be left, he can’t do, can’t handle that anymore.

Sam will move on, Cass is gone, there is not much, actually nothing left for him.

Dean isn’t stupid, knowing damn well what he is doing, what he is trying, only the direction for him is still unclear, still vague if even existing.

When all is said and done…, he wonders, recalling his Brother smiling, happy with this tremendous win.  
A potential Partner, a life within reach…  
Would, could he let him go?  
Would he break, Dean questions himself, actually knowing the answer, and it is terrifying.

\----------

Sam should be free, he had given so much, lost so much, and never wanted that life to begin with.  
He had made it out, he had dared to walk away, leaving all he knew and showing more strength than Dean had ever managed.

Sam should be free, he should have that life that had been stolen from him the Moment Dean had take him back.

“Well it would have been his dead, that he had been robbed off…” Dean says all to himself, knowing that he had done that as well even though Sam had pleaded to let him go…

He had gone even that far, the Hunter realized as the first ‘pathetic’, pity Tear is running down his cheek.

Dean is not stupid….

He is the one unable to walk on alone…

\----------

Years have passed, Centuries it feels and once again he is back to where he had started.  
Alone with Baby, on some road, not sure where to go from here…  
How often could one start over again?

It feels the same, it hurts as much and the ongoing pain is nothing Dean is looking fowards to if his last life is any indication.

Dean has grown over all those years, he hopes, but in this case he can’t trust himself.

The Hunter isn’t sure if he will make it, another year, two, three…?  
Not on his own, not by himself…  
That had never been his strong point.

But Sam deserves to be free…  
And Cass possibly will not return this time, although, and it is pathetic as well, Dean is waiting.  
Waiting for the Angel to just ignore his former Outburst, waiting for Cass to show up anyway, like Dean is used to from the Celestial that had never left his side for long and even in their worst times always found his way back.

But maybe, he had crossed a line, Dean thinks, still unable to face it.

It wasn’t what he had thought it would be like, it wasn’t what he had thought it to be, but truth be told he had never thought that far anyway.

Hunters live from day to day bases, always the risk for a morning never to come, a life immediately to end...

For a moment Dean starts chuckling.  
Considering the absurdity that Sam would stay in that Hunting life with Eileen and he would just step out, find himself some far away Hut, somewhere nowhere in the wilderness. 

“Just fishing and hunting…” He mentions into the emptiness of his beloved Impala.

It is just another lie, a fantasy with no support and Dean knows that, had long understood that his life had never meant to be, that his path had always been chosen and given by others.  
He had been raised, trained that way, unable to do it differently, and Dean had really tried…

\----------

When all is said and done…, Dean wonders, hitting the gas, not knowing the direction at all…

End…


End file.
